xchenkov-archive-deactivated201:

Send me a ship and I’ll tell you:

• who the fuck put the peeps in the microwave; Evelyn did.[ What? She was hungry.]
• who forgot to put the cat outside before sex; Theta did.[it would ruin the moment she said.]
• who posts vines of the other doing embarrassing shit Evelyn [Hey! if I can’t show the world my sexy wife to be, who would?]
• who breaks the most phones Theta [They’re so small!]
• who dies first ; Evelyn [Goodbye Doc.]
• which one I could see as being lactose intollerant; Theta [Its not funny!]
• who thinks they can do something really well even though they can’t; Evelyn. [Its just dancing.]
• who is more likely to get kicked out of the bed; Theta [Eve, I didn’t mean it that way!]
• who uses the computer most; Evelyn. [Baby shopping is not something she would do in public.]